With God

Dahlia Explosion, 2025

Watercolor & permanent marker

8” x 8”

When was the last time you made some art just for fun? When was the last time you busted out your art supplies to play and have a nice time with the Lord? I found myself confronted with this question recently and, honestly, it had been a while.

I longed to just PAINT something! To render something wild! There had been so much careful controlled art happening in my life lately that I almost forgot that it’s “okay” to just paint something “quick and dirty” …in one session. It’s okay to throw caution to the wind and let the Sharpie lines fall where they may. It’s okay to have fun.

The inspiration for this piece came from a real-life flower and this desire to do something wild! I was sitting at the dining room table, enjoying my morning cup of coffee (and waiting for my brain to come online), when the most wonderful explosion of color caught my eye - fiery dahlias bursting with light and color! The flowers were back-lit by the sun and truly had the appearance of being luminous. Surrounding the fiery poof ball was a spray of deep ruby carnations. This wonderful combination of flaming oranges and jewel-toned crimson was all thanks to my sister, Michelle. 

For Mothers’ Day, Chelle had re-done all of our planter pots with ornamentals. This was her gift to Mom (and the rest of our household by extension). Each planter pot was a demonstration of her loving care in thoughtfully selecting, arranging, and planting the living gifts for our mom. On this morning though, these flowers were a gift to me. They were a wild shout of color that yelled my name saying: “Angela, WAKE UP and paint ME!!!” The colors were electric, the composition was dynamic, and best of all, there was just no way to render this subject true to its nature with controlled precision. This subject called for wild brush strokes and splatter. It needed color and speed. No take-backs, no do-overs. No delicate whispers of implied lines here, only the bold confident commitment of gestural Sharpie lines. I surmised that watercolor and Sharpie pens would be the instruments of choice; admittedly an odd combination but exactly what this particular inspiration called for.

Many of my recent projects have been intense and, for lack of a better word, “serious.” I have rendered light subjects (like Grandma’s sweet little sparrow) in a very restrained and technical manner. While other pieces, that I have intentionally approached with technical simplicity (like The Love of God), depict subjects so difficult to define they almost defy description (visual or otherwise). There has been no “quick and dirty” rendering in this studio, only patient protracted precision and LOTS of pondering (and no shortage of alliteration). Hence my longing.

Little Bird, 2025

Watercolor pencil & watercolor

11" x 15"

(visit post entitled: "His Eye is on the Sparrow" to read more)

The Lord and I have also been having a lot of “serious” talks lately. Talks regarding my choices and my future. Conversations that involve questions like, “is this somewhere that you are calling me to? Can I do this? Should I do this?” and, “is my motivation pure?”

The Love of God, 2024

18" x 24"

Oil on canvas

(visit post entitled: "The Love of God" to read more)

In my life before Christ, I used to think that all situations held a right choice and a wrong choice. Or rather, one right choice disguised in a sea of wrong choices. This “right” choice was elusive and selecting it was akin to winning the lottery. You did your best in your humanness to pick the “winning” option but you wouldn’t know if you had been successful until the scenario played out and your number was called. But, as I said, this was before I knew God. That was a time before I knew that I didn’t have to make decisions in the dark… all by myself. That was before I understood that there was another option. I did not know that I could be friends with the Creator of the Universe - the God who sees all things and knows all things. And I certainly didn’t know that people who are God’s friends can just ask for His input *at any time and in any circumstance* and actually get an answer! If this is news to you too, it’s ok. I was in my 30’s when I got the memo. 

When I was 31, I learned that God wanted to be my friend. I also learned that to become God’s friend all you needed to do was invite Him into your life and that one did this by sincerely praying the “Sinner’s Prayer” (also known as the “Prayer for Salvation”). I was also told that, “out of all the prayers that we can pray, God ALWAYS answers this one immediately.” For anyone who is unfamiliar with this prayer, it goes like this:

Jesus, I believe that You are who You say You are. 

I believe that You are the Son of God and that you died on the cross for me.

I want You to be the Lord of my life and Savior of my soul.

I repent and turn from my sinful ways.

God, please come into my life and help me to follow You all my days.

I pray this in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, amen.

Different denominations of Christianity have different variations of this prayer but the important stuff, the “bones,” of the prayer are the same. From what I have observed, they all contain these four things:

1. A confession (a declaration) of faith that Jesus is who He says He is. 
2. An acceptance of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross (as the sufficient atonement for one’s own sins)
3. A repentance (a turning away) from one’s old life and sinful nature.
4. An invitation for God to come into your life.

It is also important to note that faith is a critical component. These words must be said with sincerity otherwise they are just words. But what if you are aren’t 100% sure if Jesus is who He says He is? What if you really want it to be true but you just haven’t seen any evidence that points to that in your life? To that I respond - God can do a lot with just a little faith. I have heard of people praying, “God, I want to believe that you are real! Please show Yourself to me.” and guess what? He showed up powerfully in their lives. One person in particular that I know of, prayed this prayer in jail and God show up so powerfully in his life that he later became a pastor. 

In the Bible, the author of Hebrews defines faith as: “confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1 (NIV). That’s what faith is. It is the confident hope that this is real. It is the hope that there is a God. It is the hope that He will help. It’s ok if you don’t have any concrete evidence …yet. Paul, the author of Romans, even goes so far as to say, “hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?” Romans 8:24 (NIV).

Now make no mistake, this is not just “wishful thinking.” This confident hope is not a state of delusion, a sort of, “I’ll just think happy thoughts until it’s true!” But rather, it is a state of longing. I have also heard it described by others as a tugging. Something in your heart says, “there is something missing, there just has to be more.”  

 

In my case, I prayed for salvation several times. I accepted a “call to salvation” at a church I had been attending (and by “attending” I mean I had gone there on one other occasion). A “call to salvation” is when the pastor or preacher invites people to “give their lives to Jesus.” Sometimes this is done by coming up to the front of the church, other times it is done in a more private manner. In these private situations, a pastor may ask the congregation to all bow their heads (or even close their eyes) so that individuals who want to accept Jesus can raise their hand. Or, sometimes, the pastor will simply ask people to pray along with him, quietly in their hearts (no hand raising required). I was grateful that my church was of the more “stealthy” variety. Though, I do now see the value in a physical response as part of one’s declaration - a literal “step of faith,” if you will. 

Because I had “accepted salvation” that Sunday I was given a little gift bag. This was a kind of “re-birth day present” from my new church. Within the bag was a nice travel coffee cup (that I still use to this day) and two small books. In this literature, I found a mini-script for the Salvation Prayer (very similar to the one that I had just prayed). I figured it would be a good idea to recite this prayer again, in the comfort and privacy of my room, *just to be on the safe side.* I then proceeded to Google: “how to get saved?”; “Salvation Prayer”; and “the Sinner’s Prayer” for several hours. I recited other variations that I found, *just to be on the super duper safe side.* One thing was apparent to me after hearing Pastor Mark’s sermon that Sunday, I really needed God and I did not want to mess this up! So I recited the prayer. I said it quietly in my heart with the pastor, and out-loud in my room by myself …and I repeated a couple more versions of it from other denominations, just for back-up. But it was when I “got real” that I got a real response. It was in a moment of genuine repentance, and not just inviting God with a casual “oh, yeah come be Lord of my life and Savior of my soul la-de-da,” but a snotty, tearful, face to the carpet, “please, please, PLEASE, come help me, come fix me, I NEED YOU GOD!” that did it. 

In that moment I got an answer. I got hit with revelation… and not just one, but a bunch! It was as though I could feel God’s excitement. It was like God had been eagerly waiting my entire life for that one moment to tell me things. Looking back on it now, my mind can’t help but joke with me, “maybe He was just waiting for you to stop praying, Angela.” In all seriousness though, I know God was waiting for me to give Him the green light to share. I once heard it preached that, “God is a gentleman. He does not force His love on anyone, that would no longer be love.” I believe this to be true. God had so many things to show me, and tell me, and impart to me and it was like I could feel Him saying “FINALLY!” The flood gates were officially opened. The connection was established and I could feel wave after wave of beautiful revelation pour out.

He showed me past things, and told me future things, and healing things. He showed me all the times He had been reaching out to me, like little movies in my mind. He showed me all the faces of the strangers He had sent to help me. Some of them I remembered, some of them I had forgotten. They were the “sweet smiley people” who were kind to me… for no good reason. “Those are my people,” He said. He told me about things to come as well - how I would now get to be one of the sweet smiley people who would help people and show them His love. He told me deep things that began healing my heart and my perspective of myself (and my life). 

Every revelation that the Lord downloaded into me that day was significant and life changing. I don’t think I could call a single one out as being the the “most important.” However, I remember how much God’s final impartation to me set me free. His closing word to me was this: 

I was failing because I was trying to do it without Him… 

and I was never supposed to. 

I cannot even describe the sense of relief that washed over me with the realization that all my “failure,” all my brokenness, was due to the fact that I was attempting an impossible task. It might sound funny that I was relieved but finally having a why to hold onto made all the difference. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t because I was too stupid, or too unlucky, or because I wasn’t privy to the secret formula of life. It wasn’t because I didn’t have a better job or a better boyfriend. I could not make it work because I was literally designed to do this with God. He then embraced me with the comforting knowledge that I never had to do it alone ever again. It was like a big God hug. I cried. A lot.

Self Portrait in God’s Light, 2021 (process picture)

Vine and willow charcoal on newsprint

18” x 24”

(visit post entitled: "Lean into God's Light" to read more)

Now, everyone’s relationship with God is unique. Every story of salvation is one of a kind because each life is one of a kind.  In my story, I was not instantly “fixed.” I did not pray and then receive a lightning bolt of healing that just fixed everything in my life and all was hunky-dory. I received an answer immediately. I received revelation immediately but this was not the “happy ending” to my story, this was the beginning. It was the beginning of healing - in my heart, in my soul, in my relationships, even in my body. It was the beginning of growing and becoming the person God had intended me to be from the start. It was the beginning of my conversation with God, and of learning how to discern His voice. God did not flip a switch and “fix” me in that instant but He did start fixing me in that instant. This was the start of my friendship with God.

Since living with Jesus, I’ve come to see choices more clearly. I’ve come to learn that, yes, some decisions are life and death but some are just choices. Within those choices, sometimes there is a clear right choice and a wrong choice. Sometimes we are presented with a scenario where it is unclear. And yet other times, we are confronted with a decision where all the options are good things! These decisions are like a veritable buffet where any choice could yield something positive. The tricky thing with these decisions is to choose the wise thing, the God thing. After all, you can only load so many things onto your plate from the buffet in one round. I have found that, regardless of which circumstance I find myself in, pausing to seek God’s counsel is always best. It is such a relief that I can just turn to Him and say: “there are many good things before me, Lord, which one is the wise thing? Which way should I go, Lord?” and there’s always the classic: “GOD, HELP!” And I find endless comfort in knowing that, even if I accidentally make the wrong choice, God will get me back on track and He will even use my mistakes for good!

So, why am I telling you all this? And what on Earth does it have to do with dahlias? Well, for starters, this is where the Lord has directed me in my writing time to you. When I opened up my laptop I asked Him, “help me to write something important. Lord, show me what I should share with them.” Secondly, it is because no matter what I do; whether it’s wrestling with tough decisions, or writing blog posts, or joyfully painting dahlias, or even drinking coffee, I get to do it with God. I share this with you, dear friend, not to boast but to encourage you - YOU can do this too! You can pray for salvation right now and receive an answer immediately! God wants to be your friend, He wants to live life with you, all you have to do is reach out and ask. I get to splash paint around for fun with God. I get to talk to God, the Author of Life, about life. I get to make big choices with God and little ones too. I get to take naps with Him and have snacks with Him. I get to live with God… and you can too.

Jesus, I believe that You are who You say You are. 

I believe that You are the Son of God and that you died on the cross for me.

I want You to be the Lord of my life and Savior of my soul.

I repent and turn from my sinful ways.

God, please come into my life and help me to follow You all my days.

I pray this in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, amen.